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Smells like Hippies and Meat

Every few weeks Rolling Stone arrives at my apartment, courtesy of a speed-freak that used to live across the hall. I greatly enjoy reading the special interest pieces and substantial political articles by their fine journalists. Only Matt Taibbi’s Mexican drug binge ever really disappointed.

So when Rolling Stone arrives, I open it. I thumb past an advertisement for Showtime’s Weeds which is constructed as one of those annoying perfume adverts. They always make me feel itchy. So genius that I am I open the Weeds perfume strip and deeply inhale. Will this really smell like marijuana? Alas, no. It’s sort of an herbal stench… smells pretty bad… what is it? I deeply inhale again. Yes, that’s it, a hippie eating a salad smothered with Trader Joe’s dressing. The awful, oily herbal aroma clings to my nostrils and won’t let go. For the rest of the day, I respire and cringe, respire and cringe.

In an effort to redirect my mind to something far more pleasant I track down all my arch-nemeses on Zabasearch. (Try it, it’s disturbing!) I find that not only has my most/least important nemesis Stupid Frank moved to my metropolis and works with my friends but is also most likely living or at least hanging out in my most favorite neighborhood in all the valley – a place that’s pretty, quiet, has decent shopping, great restaurants which I frequently patronize, places to actually WALK and is not too far away from my digs. And truth be told, 95% of the valley is crap with a few nice restaurants / stores mixed in so to find it all in one neighborhood is quite a treat.

As things go, I have to run an errand in that particular neighborhood, make a wrong turn and end up in Stupid Frank’s stomping ground. Cursing my luck, I roll down the window and am greeted with the day’s saving grace. I had forgotten that at those precise coordinates sits a Googie-monstrosity of a burger joint. I smile and laugh, happy knowing that Stupid Frank is greeted by sizzling animal flesh every time he comes here. And then I wonder… is world trying to tell me something? Time to get out of the valley? Time to make peace with the past?


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