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What’s so funny ‘bout Male Models? Come on, vogue!

I’m trying to do a crossword when Mikey plops down on my bed and gabs about his actor life. We enjoy complaining about the art/time/money trichotomy and how most entertainment jobs lead far, far away from creative places. He’s excited about his new acting class and getting thoroughly reamed by his new coach, a successful, self-obsessed, Amazonian and most importantly frequently working actress who’s BFFs with Tyra Banks. Mikey says that he’s one of three “normal-looking” (read, hasn’t stepped right out the pages of Vogue) people in the class.

In fact, his scene partner is a male model for Dolce & Gabbana. Mikey says DG’s a fairly decent but not overly wowing guy that takes amazingly hot photographs with accentuated bone structure and ripped abs. I know the type… at Grossfeld’s we repped an “actor” who was pretty okay looking in person but a major, major stud in print. Cold calls from studios hot. Too bad he wasn’t a stronger performer or he really would’ve gone places. I do see now that at least he’s got a role in Bo Derek’s Fashion House. Appropriate.

Back to male models. The thing that initially shocked me, still shocks me, about getting enmeshed in this whole Hollywood thing is that the stereotypes are TRUE. X 10. So DG is neither gay nor goth yet parades about in sparkly bronzing powder and mascara. I’ve never heard of a man doing such a thing but I guess it’s cool, just a tad beyond the average metrosexual manicure and spa trip. Mikey says DGs bronzing powder is totally obvious and that DG acts like his makeup is a big secret. Point #1: DG, like the typical male model, is clueless.

So Mikey goes over to DG’s pad to work on their scene. On the dining room table, a hash pipe. On the kitchen table, an envelope of coke cut by a Blockbuster Video card. Point 2: DG, like the typical model, is a total druggie. Important Point #3, pay attention here: a BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO CARD??? Who even has one of those anymore? Holy heck, the whole thing is a sick megalomaniacal tragedy. Mikey makes the point that maybe if DG stops doin’ all them drugs, he’d be able to better connect with his inner truth and thus pull together a scene that doesn’t enrage Amazonia. DG replies, oh yeah, I’ve already been out of rehab. Ay yi yi.

The follow up: DG is now repped by CAA and Mikey struggles doing SAG low-budget scale. If he’s lucky.


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