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When Good Corners go Bad

My apartment is great… nice roommates, big rooms, low rent, new carpet, central air conditioning, a million cable channels, free laundry and décor courtesy of an ingénue of Los Angeles’ premiere interior designer. Sure the people in my building err a bit on the kooky side and the plumber brothers that just moved in are destroying the structural integrity of the building with their DIY “home improvements” but still the pros outweigh the cons. Even my crappy valley neighborhood I’m not minding so much as developers have taken a shine to our Arts District and are trying to transform it into the new IT place. I hope the chop shops and other undesirable elements push further west.

So what’s the problem? My intersection has very bad luck. Unusually bad luck and I just can’t figure out why. The misfortune transcends the neighboring cemetery, the low drainage points which cause everything to massively flood with the February rains, and even the unusually wide bend in the road which attracts street racers, much to the chagrin of the actual NASCAR driver next door.

Here’s what I know. In this intersection:

1. Car is booted for unpaid parking tickets 3 times
2. Man spontaneously gets hurled over the handlebars of his bicycle, landing directly on his head causing a concussion and bruised ribs
3. Street racer crashes into a telephone pole at 90 mph ending in explosion and knocking out power to 2,000 homes.
4. Juveniles in a black SUV with tinted windows fire eight rounds into residence
5. Yuppie drives through flared-off crime scene and receives ticket
6. 5 persons arrested on New Years Eve for DUI
7. 4 cars crash into cemetery
8. Countless fender benders and side-swiping of parked cars
9. 3 car eggings (including mine)
10. Tank and military vehicle drop off point for bank-robber thwarting
11. Lovers’ quarrel ends in gun battle
12. Other random “shots fired”
13. Homeless disputes over recycling bin contents

And last night I come home and behold this:

Fire Trucks

Says my Eurasian neighbor, “My apartment smells like The Barbeque!”

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