Welcome to the third installment in the popular Baby Hatchetface Inappropriate Halloween Costumes series. If you haven’t already done so, please check out Inappropriate Halloween Costumes 1 and Inappropriate Halloween Costumes 2 because they build up an exciting progression to this post.
Today’s theme is Gods and Crap so please prepare yourself for some truly awful Halloween costumes.
1. Pregnant Nun (halloweenstore.com). Just your traditional sick Halloween costume. Because the nun doesn’t look too upset and in fact looks pretty masculine, I instead choose to view this as a transvestite immaculate conception.
(The above also comes in an “aroused priest” costume which is pretty lame so I didn’t bother to post the picture. It’s just like a pair of black pants with a pixie stick jammed inside to create a tent-pole effect.)
2. White Trash Halloween Costume (spirithalloween.com). Both offensive and lame. If you insist on taking the socio-economic approach to finding a bad Halloween costume, you can do so much better than donning a floppy trashcan. This costume says I have a remedial sense of humor and poor eye for content.
3. Atomic Wedgie Halloween Costume (funshop.com). A stupid and funny Halloween outfit. Atomic Wedgie puts a clever and exciting spin on the Nerd-Geek-Dork costume genre. This outfit intellectually brings the viewer mid-story and is hence a natural conversation starter. Sit back and listen to the questions flow: Under what circumstances did the geek get the wedgie? Who gave the geek a wedgie? What was the geek’s emotional experience as the wedgie was being given? Will the geek retaliate? I like it.
4. Fart-O-Meter Halloween Costume (prankplace.com). I have racked my brain trying to figure out who in their right minds would buy the Fart-O-Meter costume and I just can’t figure it out. This is a truly inane Halloween costume. It says I have a 4th-grade intellect, am overly flashy and want to be avoided wherever I go. Think about it… who wants a Fart-O-Meter approaching them? Don’t wonder what everyone’s laughing at in pity… it’s you.
5. Outhouse Halloween Costume (frightcostumes.com). This Outhouse costume is just plain ridiculous. It conveys the message, “I’m trying to be clever but I just don’t know how.” Maybe this would work if you added some moonshiners and hunters and trick-or-treated as a group but on its own, Outhouse is OUT.
6. When the Shit Hits the Fan Halloween Costume (e-halloweencostumes.com). This takes it for the grossest Halloween costume of the season. Nothing can be worse than this (except for maybe all the slutty children’s storybook character costumes that certain shops sell which are wrong, wrong, wrong!). When the Shit Hits the Fan displays both your outright grodiness and your complete impotence with this boring visual translation of a vivid idiom. The only way you’ll ever be a genius is if you get laid with this thing on.
7. Holy Shit Halloween Costume (buycostumes.com) . Probably the most offensive Halloween costume thus far. Just in case you haven’t debased spirituality enough on All Hallows Eve, this is the costume to get. The Holy Shit Halloween Costume effectively joins scatologicality and religion together in an otherworldly bond. I won’t even mention that it is kinda cute in a Mr. Hanky kinda way. (Also comes in Bull Shit, Chicken Shit, Tough Shit, Crock of Shit, Hot Shit, No Shit Sherlock and Poo Poo platter versions from various websites. Just substitute halo, crucifix and wings for appropriate accents.)
Happy shopping. More to come.
Filed under: Halloween |