The Baby Hatchetface Inappropriate Halloween Costumes series is back. America, you never cease to shock me. Other boils of modern society fester here in Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4. Idle hands are indeed the devil’s play things.
Dude, Where’s My Dog? Halloween Costume (partycity.com). Obesity is an epidemic sweeping across America and parts of Europe. Though not North Korea as Lisa Ling pointed out on Wednesday’s Oprah. Are you really the sort of person who takes joy in being so fat that you killed your own dog? Dude, that’s disturbing.
Child Sumo Wrestler Halloween Costume (costumecraze.com). This costume celebrates chub with a little more grace and a thong. But parents, have you not been listening to all the Halloween warnings? Razor blades in apples, crack in fun-size snickers? Costumes that are non-reflective and immobile? Do you even know how easy it would be to roll one of these little sumo wrestlers into the back seat of an unmarked white cargo van? Please, use some common sense.
One Night Stand Halloween Costume (buycostumes.com). Um, no. It’s just not going to happen for you tonight, man.
Pickle Vendor Halloween Costume (spirithalloween.com). Huh? Are there even such things as pickle vendors anymore outside of the streets of Eastern Eurasia? And if there are, they certainly don’t actually stand in the cask. I understand that the costume wearer wants you to honk his gurken but this costume is so stupid and non-sensical, the wearer deserves a swift kick in the pimentos instead.
Cheeseburger in Paradise Halloween Costume (foureyesjokeshop.com). Congratulations, you’re a walking Jimmy Buffet song… and yet I am almost certain that Jimmy Buffet fans will have no idea what this hamburger/tropical shirt combo is inferring. After all, peeps has got copyrights to worry about. This costume garners more what the hells than oh yeahs. Jimmy Buffet + Halloween? Nah. Save it for Florida.
Kiddie Air Freshener Halloween Costume (anytimecostumes.com). Possibly even more idiotic then Cheeseburger in Paradise. Who is the concept artist for these things? Of all the adorable infant costumes out there, why oh why, would you choose to swaddle your bundle of preciousness in a Car Air Freshener Costume? Meaningless household items are just that. Meaningless. Run baby, run!
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