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Belarus Live!

There are many Belorussians in the apartment tonight. They arrived on a flight from Moscow. The young boy is in the living room, playing a vine-swinging game on Mikey’s Super Nintendo. Which reminds me, find a copy of “Go Go Mario” from the over-priced Japanese import Mario & Zelda Big Band Live. The band and singers are messy and cringe-worthy, but wow is it entertaining!

I am shaky as I just ate two Russian candies. One was a crunchy, slightly-burnt hazelnut compote wrapped in an efficient dark chocolate coat. (I liked it better than the New Zealand-made mistake-tasting Cadbury Crispy Crunch.) The other candy was a chocolate-covered hyper sugar/nut mash wrapping an oldish, vodka-ish sludge cushioning a rubbery apricot. The latter was not my friend.

The Belorussians also tried to smuggle a big Russian pepperoni into the country but LAX customs confiscated it. C’est la vie. But Canada once let me declare a cheese sandwich. Just don’t ever tell ’em you’ve been arrested cause you will not pass Go.


2 Responses

  1. Pepperoni is nothing like Russian sausage. Pepperoni is a parody of a sausage. You Americans are blatantly ignorant about good food.

  2. Thank you, Alex, for your spirited observation about American epicurean ignorance. My “pepperoni” jab indeed highlights that I had no idea as to what sort of meat the Belorussians were attempting to transport through LAX. Since this post was written, I have meticulously researched the event and have found that it was indeed a dried Russian salami. “Salami” mind you, is the word that Belorussian Vol used.

    For further counter-argument as to whether Americans know good eats or not, I will now direct you to the following sites. These are both representative of direct blood relations to a one, Baby Hatchetface:




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