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A Conversation About the Future

This post was supposed to be about my brash, filthy, disrespectful, drugged out, hilarious and cruel old roommate Doris who used to live across the hall before Mikey and Vol made her move out and how she bummed around San Diego for a while before her BFFs kicked her out too and then she ended up working on a cruise ship bound for Germany and had an affair with a rich 50-year-old doctor which deteriorated after she found out that he was married and only a nurse so she moved back to her Kansas home and works in a photo mat. But then I thought that I might share the following conversation instead:

Baby Hatchetface: Would you try to stop the wedding if I was like I’m going to marry this greasy loser?

Ell: Yes.

Baby Hatchetface: You would not. Would you?

Ell: Probably not.

Baby Hatchetface: But you would be forced to be related to him and he wouldn’t support me so we’d have to move in with you.

Ell: Gross!

Baby Hatchetface: Ha ha ha. And he’d just like make sloppy joes, drink beers and watch Deal or No Deal.

Ell: Hahaha. Sick.

Baby Hatchetface: Would you still say nothing?

Ell: I’d probably say that your husband is lame. Then you would get mad at me and not speak to me for a few months–

Baby Hatchetface: I would not. Only for a few days maybe.

Ell: –until you realized that I was right.

Baby Hatchetface: Ok, fine.

Ell: I’d probably call him lame before you got married though. If you let me know you were getting married.

Baby Hatchetface: Nah, we’d just show up on your doorstep and I’d be like we had a shotgun wedding and need a place to stay because Jim Bob spent all our money at the hog races.



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