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Cheesy Holiday Gifts to Cherish

The 2006 Holiday Season seems chock full of adverts panning beloved holiday gifts for better and less “tacky” finds. It’s enough to break a Baby Hatchetface’s heart. Doesn’t anyone understand the importance of tradition? I’m sure once one reviews my compilation THREE HOLIDAY GIFTS WORTH A SECOND CHANCE one will agree: These national treasures must be protected.

1. ROYAL DANSK BUTTER COOKIES. Your crunchy, sugary friends in the friendly blue tin. Mein gott, are the pretzel ones delicious. Royal Dansk Butter Cookies are a tried and true way to put a smile on any of your more than acquaintances, less than friends’ faces. (Check out the following comprehensive Royal Dansk Butter Cookie content analysis.)

Royal Dansk


2. TRI-FLAVOR POPCORN TINS. Popcorn, you top the list of favorite American treats. In one small pop, you so eloquently represent colonization, manifest destiny and ruthless capitalism. And so cleverly packaged in three wedges for the perfect combination of comfort, tangy and sweet! Heaven sent!

Popcorn Tin

3. SOCKS. There’s nothing suckier during the holidays than cold feet. For a thoroughly warm and cozy time, cover up those extremities. Bulk packages of white socks are always a winner. Note: this does not mean that one should buy someone else bulk packages of “delicates”. Under no circumstances should one do that, particularly if the package contains granny panties.

White Socks


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