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Powder Keg Phone Bill, 1-900-BONANZA

The dust had settled and the warring parties had returned to their respective corners. Not even an e-mail buzzed through cyberspace. And then the phone bill arrived. A verifiable keg of gunpowder, no one is quite sure how to open it… just that one day, it will explode with a loud KABOOM.

You see, before Granny and Grampy pulled up stakes for Arizona, they were resting in Wisconsin, tended to by their heavily-tatted man-nanny Bruce. “He’s different but he’s so gentle!” most of the family would say as Gummy gnashed her teeth in the background. Gentle man-nanny Bruce with the dead wife and son. How could Granny resist?

But oh yes. The phone bill arrived. The phone bill from their last month up north. The $600 phone bill. A review of the charges ensued. The schedule of the “help” was cross-referenced. An inquest of the phone company was made. And the result: Bruce, apparently, had been calling an awful lot of $5 per minute 900 numbers. Ma’s friend said, jeez, couldn’t he have just asked for a quickie? I proffer that perhaps they’re numbers for a psychic hot-line. Could there be an explanation that isn’t so pathetic?

But then there’s the issue of the collect calls. Pa called the phone company and they replayed him the recording of the voice “accepting the charges.” I didn’t know they were recorded. But yes, there’s Bruce’s voice, accpeting the charges and verifying that he is Grampy. That evidence is hard to refute.

It’s absolutely sickening that someone would so abuse an elderly couple like that. And to think they could get away with it? Ha! Um, you’ve been around long enough to KNOW what you’re up against. Really, you have not a chance in the world. Not to mention the bad karma. The bad, bad karma. Racking up fraudulent charges for disgusting behavior and then impersonating my Grampy? Holy heck! You’re supposed to be setting an example for your other children, buddy! It’s sick, I tell you. Sick!

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