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El Turko, the Archbishop and the Turban

Never in my entire life did I ever think I wanted a bountiful wedding celebration until this morning when I saw Dr. Bertie and Argentinian M’s surprise nuptial video. They just returned from South America where they were supposed to be planning for the fall event but, by a seat of the pants decision, realized that it would be a real hassle to return so soon. So, they organized the whole shebang in 3 days and made it “official.” At least, now, in the eyes of the church.

Argentinian M’s godfather is the president of the province so he strong-armed the archbishop into marrying them on such short notice. Their chauffeur, El Turko (and I am not making that name up), was Bertie’s witness. He told a little bit of a fib-let to the archbishop. “Why yes, your holiness, I’m been to America many times and have known Bertie for years!” Who needs multi-month religious rite classes? Dr. Bertie and Argentinian M were on the fast track.

At the reception, the libations flew freely. In the 2:00 a.m. hour, a surprise bag of professionally tailored hats came out, a gift from the bride’s cousin. (He had a special hookup as his own wedding included 600 guests and plenty more hats.) Each guest (still on their feet, that is) donned a theatrical hat and hit the dance floor. There were massive sombreros, a Napoleon hat, a Cleopatra head dress and a turban with an enormous burgundy feather stuck in its jeweled band that Dr. Bertie wore. There was waltzing and flamenco and conga and limbo dancing.

Somehow, Dr. Bertie got godfather’s borrowed necktie wound around his cranium like a militant rambo. The guests hoisted Dr, Bertie up on their shoulders and danced him around the room. Then, in a move reminiscent of the blanket toss sans blanket, they launched Dr. Bertie into the air, gaining more and more air with each throw. And then the guests got ahold of Argentinian M. They tossed her up in the sky with equal amounts of gusto, wedding dress be darned. Her feet flapped helplessly in 10 layers of petticoats. Thank the lord for all those layers. She laughed. Back on his feet, Dr. Bertie could barely stand up straight. But he kept dancing.

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