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A Case of the Common DUI

When did driving under the influence become so fashionable? Is the trend on an upswing or am I just drawn to idiots? For someone who is not known to, and in fact, has not ingested illicit substances, I socialize with a hell of a lot of people who regularly combine these activities with the operation of heavy machinery. (Though, I can say, not in my company.) Contemporary evils include:

  • Dr. Bertie arrested and issued a DUI, and then kicked out of Canada
  • Namesake Gomez’s St. Patty’s DUI
  • Kpalm’s secret DUI
  • Hansley tearing through the streets of Hollywood after ingesting ganja-infused chocolate chip cookie
  • Lens drunken summer drive

I would totally rat them out if I saw them motoring up and I totally think that those who got arrested and were issued DUIs sure were lucky that they didn’t kill anyone in the process. How did humanity get so stupid?


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