The Valley temperature has dropped below a bajillion degrees. A bag of Macintoshes are rolling around the kitchen. My stats are skyrocketing. Yes, Autumn is right around the corner. And you know what that means… time to reawaken The Baby Hatchetface Inappropriate Halloween Costume series. In case you’ve missed all of the hideous gems from 2006, I’ve modified my blog layout so the links appear in the right-hand columns. I’d like to now take a quick moment to give a Hatchetface Holla to all of the tipsters who wrote in about the retail offerings this season. Thank you and sorry that I didn’t write back. I’m a jerk.
And to kick things off, let me assure you that every costume I mention in this series is available on the consumer market. I don’t just make these things up. I’m not that sick. So this year, feast your eyes upon:
1. Department of Erections (www.spirithalloween.com). Look, I don’t know if anyone’s seen OZ or even NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC: INSIDE SUPERMAX but inmates are SCARY. And the only thing more disturbing than a sociopath is a sociopath with a boner. I’m not sure of Ted Bundy’s state when he impersonated Pa’s friend after stealing his wallet at a bar but I wouldn’t touch that pole with a 10-foot pole. And especially this guy who looks like he could use an intensive trip to the dentist. What’s up with the sneakers, by the way? Totally inauthentic. I thought they only let them wear pink slippers.
2. Wind Up Doll (www.target.com). Man children give me the willies. Mechanized man children even more. But especially this one with his liberal rouge. Perhaps if Herr lost the balloon for a Ricola horn and broke out in a yodel, he might be cool. But right now, he just looks like any ol’ metrosexual in a bad costume who is enjoying it way too much.
3. Hari Krishna (www.halloweenmart.com). Yo dude, ragging on other people’s (or your own) religion just isn’t cool. And the costume description just ain’t right either, “Don’t wear this get up to the airport or you may get into a turf war.” Hee hee. I mean, I would stay away from the Wawas too. Sacrilege!
Filed under: Halloween |