I got my first preview of event dress up last night as Lens took me to a bowling event associated with Lebowski Fest where galore-ious Vikings, Dudes and Nihilists roamed in packs. What I found most clever/obsessive was that the Lebowski fans bedecked themselves as not only characters from the movie but props and situations as well – i.e. a broken condom and a bunch of other stuff that I, who has seen the film but twice, do not have the psychological acuum to understand.
But I digress. Here is the latest entry in the Baby Hatchetface Inappropriate Halloween Costume Series which details, as always, the most disgusting, ridiculous, vile, abominable, grody, icky, repelling, shameless, stomach churning, barf-o-rific, and lame to the max Halloween Costumes of the season.
WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC IMAGES WHICH WILL OFFEND SENSITIVE CONSTITUTIONS. PLEASE USE DISCRETION WHEN VIEWING THIS POST. AND HAVE PEPTO-BISMOL ON HAND. KIDS, STOP READING NOW.
1. Special Forces Halloween Costume (Halloweencostumeshop.com). Trick or treat! Give me all of your @#$*(&! candy! Think you’d be scared if this thing came a knockin’? Tough! Special Forces Junior will throw tear gas through your window, break down your door and take whatever the Osama he wants anyway ’cause we know the squirt ain’t on any counter-terrorism missions. War! What is it good for? Besides injecting thuggish fear into law-abiding citizens, this Special Forces Costume for Kids flaunts illegally realistic firepower. Parents, use sound judgment. Take away Junior’s ATV and don’t buy him this ensemble!
2. Harem Dog Halloween Costume (Halloweencostumes4u.com). It’s one thing for you to slut it up for Halloween but must you drag your dog into it? This costume (and photograph, for that matter) is plain dog porn horrific. Like Paris Hilton, this dog’s beauty is destroyed by indulgent over-crapccessorizing. It’s time for a revolution. Say no to puppy mills and say no to Harem Dog!
3. Anna Nicole Smith Halloween Costume (Costumes4less.com). Pre-Trim Spa bulging hot pink one-piece paired with platinum ‘do says more than enough. Listen, I was never a fan of the woman but sometimes we’ve got to rise above and not kick ’em when their down. Or dead.
4. Boob Head Halloween Mask (Hauntedprops.com). Doesn’t this thing belong in a Muppets movie? This Boob Head mask is a little too well-crafted as the boobs flow naturally from the upper cheeks creating the illusion of a crusty geezer with saggy mole-pocked jowls. Or a mutated lab hamster stockpiling snacks. Will anyone get it? The geeks, maybe. And the rest? It’s all about getting candy, getting loaded and smashing pumpkins. Nobody’s gonna think on H-Day!
5. Runny Butt Halloween Costume (ecostumes.com). Apparently this monstrosity comes with a bulb that you push to make things squish out of the butt. You will, however, need to purchase your own toilet paper. Butt-revealing hospital gown suggests that this prize is in the process of receiving medically treatment. For what? Anyone’s guess. Then again, those drawn to this costume need to be committed.
DUE TO THE EXTRA GRAPHIC NATURE OF COSTUMES #6-12, YOU WILL NEED TO FOLLOW THE LINK TO THE PASSWORD-PROTECTED POST.
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