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Getting Schooled, Northwoods Style

Here I am, in class at the local community college, expecting to learn about the fine art of embroidering stuff with porcupine quills.  And oh, do I ever get my money’s worth.  You see, included in the nominal cost of tuition is full instruction on how to drag a road-killed porcupine off the pavement (by hooking your fingers underneath its thumbs – and avoiding the DNR) and, once it’s safely in a ditch, how to pluck the choicest quills off of it’s neck, shoulders and side.  Of course, if you don’t have the time to do it right then and there, you can lift Porky into your automobile, hoist it into your garage and then heave it into your freezer for later dealings.

And dont’cha know that porcupine meat is the only kind of woodland meat which can be eaten raw because its intestines don’t contain parasites?  So if you see one, lead it in a circle or figure 8 and it’ll soon grow tired and fall down.  Then you can rip into its soft belly with your bare hands.

I suppose my (woman) instructor is what is known as a survivalist.


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