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Pure Evil

Look at the fangs on that thing:

Evil Tooth

All hail Oxycodone!


Since We Last Chatted

A Russian started a massive fire in the apartment and I completely froze, unable to locate the fire extinguisher.  Pregnant Vol dove into the inferno and tackled the flames with her bare hands.  I completed the most headachy project of my short career and it, most shockingly, turned out to be quite the toast of the town.  I’ve fallen madly in love with the most awesomeliest Britcom ever invented – BLACK BOOKS.  Sir Johnny Depp is running around Granny’s neck of the woods like a ganster and I am nowhere to be found.  Instead, I am traveling in an easterly direction, getting a surprise wisdom tooth extraction.  Indeed I feel less intelligent, although it could just be the pocketful of painkillers.


Attention Panda Express employees at the Burbank Media City Center Mall: I did not attempt to pay for my Panda Bowl (half steamed rice, half chow mein and tofu-eggplant) with a counterfeit $5 bill. You see, had you been properly trained, you would know that on March 13th, the Federal Reserve introduced this new bill into general circulation. The Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System says:

Similar to recently redesigned $10, $20, and $50 bills, the new $5 bill incorporates improved, easy-to-use security features, making it easier for businesses and consumers to check the new $5 bills they receive and more difficult for counterfeiters to fake .

Interesting, hmmmmmmm? So now you see there was no need to demand that I pay via a different method, yell at me, enlist two other employees into the fight, give me a sob story about how you will be responsible for making up the money if your drawer comes up short, fly into a frenzy when I suggested that you call security to corroborate my actions, and release the hounds when I grabbed my Panda Bowl and made a run for it. Please, management. Get it together!

But let’s, for a moment, consider IF I DID IT:

  • I would not distort a bill with conspicuously purple ink in a situation where there weren’t plans to introduce a new $5 bill into circulation.
  • I would not counterfeit a $5 bill. LA is most known for their hand at counterfeiting 50s.

Besides, I believe in karma. The defense rests!

In a Jelly

I don’ t know how I manage to consistently waste all of my days off.  Here it is, already 3:30, and I am not sure just what I’ve been doing for the past 9 hours that I’ve been awake.  Okay, let’s see… I went to the post office, picked up lunch at the psychic panda, donated more goods to the consignment shop, went to the library, rode my bike to nowhere, edited some video and programmed a website.  All in all, that SHOULD have taken 4 hours MAX… so just where the heck did the other 5 go?  And why do I feel so exhausted?

I’ve been having one of those months of feeling utterly ineffective — working on five different projects, not finishing ANYTHING, getting lost and being futile.  I don’t know if the problem is that my goals are too lofty and so I get discouraged when I can’t keep on schedule.  Who knows.  I’m going to scarf down a few jelly beans and take a nap.

Not True

I find the adage YOU HAVE TO SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MONEY to be incredibly not true.

Remember that time we were pals?

And I used to write blogs for you? Baby Hatchetface has faced a deluge of life in November. Not really a good excuse for not putting the fingers to the keyboard but, hey, I do what I can. Now for my trumpeting. Who knows when we shall meet again. (Maybe tomorrow?)

  • The Destruction of the Corporate Beast. After 4+ months of convincing letter-writing the Naughty Airline FINALLY admitted, in their corporate way, that they “could have done things differently” and acknowledged that I thought their employee was not being truthful with his (erroneous) recount of the (disturbing) events. As close to an apology as a consumer is going to get, I’ll take it. What can I say? I draft good verbiage. I believe the booty skirt girl also helped out my cause a lot.
  • On that note, a drive-by BEEP BEEP to members of the Writers Guild. Someday you’ll be my people. Stick it to the evil machine. Yup, retro Hollywood hubbubery still exists.
  • Big Brother wants Hatcheface. (Exciting and clandestine!) Why? Besides of my awesomeness, I haven’t a clue. Nonetheless, I’m jetting over to Capitol Hill to check it out.
  • Take 2 of the website is almost finished. Cross my fingers that it’ll be done this week.
  • The neighbors still bite it. A whole courtyard jammed full of patio furniture, barbecues and heat lamps bite it. A music-mixing at 2:30 AM bite it.
  • I drafted my first design for vision arts. I also bought a rubber mallet and a pair of safety goggles.
  • Rain boots. I now own a kick-arse pair. Who cares that it only rains three days a year here?

Southwest Airlines Denies Drunk Passenger Allegations!

Today, I received a letter from Southwest Airlines regarding the incident in which a drunk passenger assaulted a minor. Their response:



I am deeply disheartened to learn of the frustration and disappointment you experienced while waiting with your cousins to board their flight on July 1. I know that sending young children on a flight unaccompanied is a very stressful situation, and I am certain that encountering the Customers you mentioned did little to ease your mind.

I only encountered (1) customer.

Upon receiving your letter, I requested a report from our Burbank Service Supervisor, Neil, to gather additional information on this situation. Neil mentioned that while waiting in the preboard line, you approached and informed him of your concerns about the Customer in line.

I did not approach the Customer Service Supervisor while waiting in the preboard line. I had to take the kids out of line and speak to him at the customer service desk.

At that point, he recalled telling you that he would observe the customer as she was waiting to board.

The Customer Service Supervisor stood with his back to the gate area the whole time I spoke with him. While he may have said he would observe the passenger, he didn’t even ask for a description! So I went ahead and gave him a description anyway. When he actually did turn around, the customer was no longer in the boarding area. She was on the tarmac, waiting to board the plane.

Neil also stated that you did not mention to him that the Customer had called your cousins names or spoken inappropriately to them.

False. I verbatim told the Customer Service Supervisor that the passenger spoke inappropriately to my cousin.

He noted that he continued to watch the Customer, and while he agreed that she was a “loud” person having a good time with her friends, he did not observe her doing anything that would indicate she was intoxicated, and no other Customers shared your concerns about her.

The Customer Service Supervisor did not watch the customer, for reasons stated above. Had he observed the passenger, he would surely have noticed that 1) She was not traveling with “friends”, not even one friend. And 2) She was not loud.

While Neil did not have any reason to deny the Customer boarding, I am glad that he gave you the option to reaccommodate your cousins on an alternate flight.

Reaccommodate meant taking a flight the following day and the kids arriving at their final destination with no way of getting home, and in fact missing their parents who had additional flights the following day. Besides, I did not ASK the Customer Service Supervisor to deny the passenger boarding. I asked him to inform the flight crew of the situation so that the passenger would not try to sit next to JT and continue to criminally assault him.

We understand that these situations can be difficult and uncomfortable for the unfortunate customers who must remain in the immediate vicinity of the unruly behavior. However, our Employees, through extensive training exercises and repeated customer contact, are taught to be tactful in the process of recognizing and handling customers who they feel are intoxicated. However, please know that we must be extremely cautious (in fact, we walk a find legal line) when it comes to diagnosing intoxication.

Again, I wasn’t asking that the passenger be denied boarding. If Southwest’s training consists of anything other than doing nothing, the Customer Service Supervisor failed to utilize such training.

As you may know, this diagnosis is highly subjective and it is clear that you and our employee had different perceptions of this customer.

I perceived, saw, heard and smelled this passenger using empirical methods. The Customer Service Supervisor did none of these things.

Nevertheless, I assure you that we have policies in place to prevent situations of this nature, and I will forward a copy of your letter to the appropriate leaders for internal review and follow up.

I empirically observed no evidence of such procedures.

Thank you again for putting pen to paper and sharing your experience. Contrary to what you experienced, we make every effort to provide safe, courteous, friendly, and professional service in every phase of our operation.

The issue at hand is that no iota of effort was provided.

We certainly welcome your and your family’s business and hope you will afford us the opportunity to serve you again in the near future – under more favorable circumstances.



Jessica J. Parente

Copy to: Greg Wells, Senior Vice President of Operations; Chris Wahlenmaier, Vice President of Ground Operations; Rhonda Ramirez, Station Leader Burbank